All our lives, we’re taught one main thing, that will make us better than what we are — competing. We learn to compete right from kindergarten to B-School. Perhaps we learn more about competing than collaborating.
Our parents inculcate the habit of being competitive. We have to be better than others; even our siblings. Our teachers do their part by getting us to compete with our classmates. Once inside organisations, our systems and rule-books reinforce our instinct to compete, since there is limited dollar to distribute, and limited positions to occupy in the race towards the top of the pyramid. When the sense of competitive spirit was infused into us, it was well intended. Now, however, it can show its ugly face in more ways than one can imagine.
Envy — the by-product
The inevitable by-product of this insatiable desire and need to compete is envy. Envy may be understood as the displeasure or distress we feel when others get what they want, and we do not. It could range from plum postings, a higher pay hike to a missed promotion that went to one of our colleagues who, in our opinion, is less deserving.
Envy is a dangerous emotion, for it hurts the organisation, our relationships and in the end, us. We usually don’t notice when we’re being taken over by it, but it begins to show in our behaviours and commitment towards excellence, in what we do.
The good news, however, is that this emotion is preventable and can be managed. . All it needs is a good amount of work to recognise the potentially destructive thoughts and behaviours associated with this deadly emotion. It is not a very easy emotion to let go, because of its ability to make us feel better, even as we indulge in belittling the colleague we lost out to, and attribute their success to luck or favouritism.
What it does
Our comments and other destructive ways of demonstrating envy soon reaches the colleague under attack and more often than not, gets noticed by supervisors. This canpotentially derail our growth.
This enhances distance between our colleagues and us, reducing the possibility of genuine collaboration in future projects. Sometimes, we even vent it out on customers, who promptly report to managers. The destructive potential of envy is, therefore, too much to be ignored or lived with.
Self-assessment
It pays to do a self-assessment, as to whether or not, we are into this envy trap. Think of a situation where your batch-mate or colleague at the same level has been chosen for an overseas assignment — something you have been equally keen to get. How do you react? Do you:
Hesitate to congratulate him or her on getting the opportunity?
Feel resentful and fume internally; so much so that you do not sleep well for a few days?
Decide not to collaborate with the individual concerned?
Go around attributing reasons other than merit for your colleague’s assignment?
Do you secretly wish that this colleague fails miserably in his new assignment?
If you’ve answered ‘Yes’ to the questions above, this is evidence that you are engulfed by envy.
How do you overcome it?
Here are a few useful tips:
Recognise that people around you are as talented, if not more, as you and so, it is natural that someone as good as you, gets the reward.
Look for qualities that the winner has, that you might not.
Keep dissonance out of your mind, by publicly congratulating the colleague and speaking well about them. This will have a positive effect, as behaviours can change beliefs (if latest research is to be believed).
Develop the “abundance mentality” rather than “scarcity mentality.” Your turn will come and your will enjoy such rewards and recognition too.
Affirm yourself. Envy does not belittle the other person— it just belittles you.
Keep yourself away from those who can provoke the emotion in you by comparing and gossiping. You are better off without them around.
Envy is natural pretty much like conflicts at work are. Recognising it for its destructive potential is, however, key to our own health and progress at work.
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