The Indian cricket team has been in the news recently, not so much for their exploits on-field but for the tension between captain and coach which finally led to the coach stepping down. Each had a point of view and had failed to persuade the other. This was not a sudden break-down but discontent piling up from many incidents, some big, some small. In each case, there was a challenge to communicate persuasively. How do I persuade the other person that the player I want to pick is the right one? How do I persuade the other person of a choice to bat or bowl when we win the toss? Similar decisions, with perhaps bigger stakes are played out in the business world every day. Persuasion is a daily leadership challenge and as aspiring leaders we must learn the art and science of persuasion, especially in our communication.
The Sun not the wind : One of Aesop’s famous fables is about the sun and the wind deciding to settle a dispute about who’s stronger, by taking on the challenge of making a traveller remove his cloak. First, the wind tries and blows hard and strong, literally trying to tear the cloak away from the man. But the harder the wind blows, the tighter the man pulls his cloak around him. Next the sun tries. He gently shines on the man; gradually turns up the heat. Soon enough the man has removed his cloak. Simple fable-deep lesson.
Different approaches
Al Capone obviously was a firm believer in the wind’s approach “You get more done with a smile and a gun, than with a smile alone” was his secret. But if you aren’t planning on running a criminal gang, perhaps a different approach is called for, in the real-life situations you will face. The push-hard and push-fast approach is often selected because it’s hard and fast in its results — but such results often crumble when people resent the disrespect implicit in the approach.
Many leaders still often attempt the wind’s approach — shouting at teammates or bulldozing their way through decisions. They fail to ask: what does this person want? What does this person need? They fail to listen for below-the-surface realities and so they rush ahead at hurricane speed. The mature leader takes the sun’s approach. They look for aligned interests; they respect the others’ position, are willing to listen and nudge them towards a better place. St. Ignatius put it aptly: “Enter through their door to leave through yours”
Everyone’s favourite radio station is WII-FM – What’s In It For Me? If we can answer that question for those we’re trying to persuade, we’re well on our way to more persuasive communication.
Questions not answers : The most effective persuaders are experts at asking the right questions rather than spouting answers. Remember: people want to buy, they do not want to be sold. Questions help them to persuade themselves. Socrates was a master at this. His first question would prompt a yes; then his next and the next. Soon he would have gathered an armful of ‘yeses’ and with it, a fully persuaded listener. Questions must be authentic, not manipulative. They can’t be a technique, they must spring from a genuine desire to find common ground. The leader must do their homework, ask questions that create discovery rather than shove down pre-conceived positions.
Even the framing of questions is important. Salespeople are taught to ask for appointments with a “Would you rather meet me at 11 am on Monday or 3 pm on Wednesday?” rather than “Could I meet you on Monday at 11 am?” The first provides a choice — the second traps the prospect into a Yes or No answer.
So, questions can be important rungs in the ladder of persuasion with the leader taking the other along rather than pushing or pulling him along.
Emotion not logic
Hearts and Minds : Most persuasion is conducted as a logical exercise appealing to reason and explaining rationale. But the reality is that most people are persuaded because of emotion not logic.
The best analogy was one used by University of Virginia psychologist Jonathan Haidt in his wonderful book The Happiness Hypothesis . Haidt likens our emotional side to an elephant and our rational side to its rider or mahout. Picture that — the little mahout perched astride a gigantic elephant. No prizes for guessing who wins a WWF bout if the two of them had it out. True, the mahout may hold the reins and wield the little ankus (or elephant goad) to control the elephant, but the tension of that relationship is palpable. If they had a differing point of view about anything.... “Bye-bye mahout.”. That often explains why people sometimes behave “illogically”, because a powerful emotion is driving their behaviour.
Hence the gory pictures of cancer patients on cigarette packs instead of a lengthy logical explanation of the dangers of cancer. The reason why politicians fan the flames of caste and religion are because they are emotional issues and they know these will trump (no pun intended) reason in the voters’ minds.
Dig deeper
We have all been educated on the merits of logic and rational thinking and we do not hesitate to brandish this knowledge at others. We then expect immediate compliance. This is dealing with the Rider. Instead if we choose to ask ourselves, what are the ‘elephant’ issues involved, we would have got a powerful ally on our side.
Perhaps a college mate you’re trying to persuade to take up a project with you is deeply afraid of failure. You need to work on that, rather than giving him logical reasons why it’s such a great project. Perhaps a client who does not want to renew a contract just wants the opportunity to be heard and not a list of reasons why his decision is not rational. Perhaps a union leader is worried about how he will appear to his fellow-workers than about the specific logic of a wage negotiation. In each case, we need to pause and address first the elephant, then the rider.
Persuasion is both art and science but at its core it is the simple principle of the Golden Rule – “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”. The three practices above can help mould our communication and make us more effective persuaders.