Recently, I was reading Hit Refresh by Satya Nadella, and his views on empathy got me curious. In Nadella’s view, empathy — among other things — is a key source of business innovation. He says although many regard it as a soft skill and not especially relevant to the ‘hard work of business’, it is a wellspring for innovation. This is because innovation comes from one’s ability to grasp customers’ unmet, unarticulated needs.
Though empathy as an emotion per se is not new, several leaders have said this is a unique leadership trait. Daniel Goleman, considered to be the father of emotional intelligence, said, “Empathy represents the foundation skill for all the social competencies important for work”. Simon Sinek believes that the ability to recognise and share other people’s feelings is the most important instrument in a leader’s toolbox. Barack Obama once said, “Empathy is a quality of character that can change the world”. In a biography on Elon Musk, author Ashlee Vance said, “He doesn’t have a lot of interpersonal empathy, but he has a lot of empathy for mankind”.
What is it?
Leadership is all about how we relate to other people. Progressive organisations, almost without an exception, have developed the expertise of perceiving customers’ discomfort and acting on it. Simply put, empathy is one’s capacity to comprehend or experience the emotions of another.
It is true that empathy is more significant to a great relationship than any technical knowledge or skill. People in an organisation could truly contribute by learning more about those they lead. But why is empathy on the top agenda of every single leader?
This simple question made me read more about the impact it has on several aspects of life. How does this make one successful? What are the behaviours associated with the development of this skill? While my study went into several details of empathy, I present three applications that can make every professional effective by practising it.
You become an effective competitor during a pursuit:
It’s impossible to really understand someone, what they want, who they are, what they believe in, and not love them the way they love themselves. “In the moment when I truly understand my enemy, understand him well enough to defeat him, then in that very moment, I also love him,” says Andrew “Ender” Wiggin in the science-fiction novel Ender’s Game by Orson Scott Card.
As negotiators, many of us comprehend the idea of win-win at an intellectual level. But when we get to the act, we default into another position, which can be win-lose, lose-win or even lose-lose. Win-win negotiators know that their genuineness lies in being able to create and maintain trust. Without trust, people will be unwilling to share their interests or explore possibilities.
Although empathy has long been considered essential for professions such as medical providers, therapists and teachers, research shows that developing empathy, which is foundational to trust building, is also key for more competitive quests.
You become an assertive communicator in any conversation:
As per Harvard Business Review article on Connect, Then Lead by Amy Cuddy, Matthew Kohut and John Neffinger, being lovable and being strong are the most influential traits a leader can possess, but the order in which those traits are revealed to followers is key.
Some define assertiveness as simply standing up for oneself, speaking up for one’s own rights, and effectively expressing one’s wishes, ideas and concerns. However, in 7 Habits of Highly Effective People , Stephen R Covey describes assertiveness as being able to show courage by standing up for oneself and demonstrating consideration for other’s concern.
As far as leadership is concerned, assertiveness without empathy leads to conflict with followers and damaged relationships, while empathy without assertiveness is weak and undermines a leader’s status. The need for both to be present and to be leveraged well is the secret recipe to successful leadership.
You become a true partner in the context of a relationship :
Be it a romantic relationship or a business partnership, empathy is the bedrock in building camaraderie. Empathy between people helps develop rapport more than trust and influence together can. It is the most powerful tool that can serve as a differentiator between great and terrible associations.
Relationships succeed because of an ability to imagine what a partner is thinking and feeling. If one considers this in a detailed fashion, the ‘thinking’ component is about seeking the other person’s point of view while the ‘feeling’ aspect is the emotional capacity to sense and experience others’. It is well known that even most empathic people may find this very difficult to practice.
It is psychologically demanding and emotionally challenging to empathise with their partner, particularly when they themselves are under stress. Empathic leaders are wary of their hot buttons and their own limitations to being judgemental in any situation. They understand that at the deepest level, every individual simply wants to be heard, appreciated and understood.
Logical or emotional?
So if there are so many benefits of empathy, then why do people find it difficult to be logical and emotional at the same time? A research done by Dr Anthony Jack of Case Western University answers this. Our brain’s neural structure prevents us from being analytic and empathetic, at least at the same time. This finding helps clarify why professions that involve intense analytic focus, often appear socially abrasive. Therefore, we tend to think of logical as unemotional and empathy as irrational.
Practising empathy is therefore a habit with a set of behaviours that need to be applied in our daily routine. It will lead to greater success both personally as well as professionally. While listening and comprehending are fundamental behaviours, there are three other foundational habits that one can follow:
Have a positive inner dialogue : There is continuous self-talk that goes on in everyone’s head. The impact of such internal conversations is that it affects the subconscious mind, which then accepts these as our thoughts and acts on them. It is a self-fulfilling prophecy. We are our very own internal judges and self-critics.
Therefore, the practice of empathy should begin with how we treat ourselves. It is very important for one to realise that negative inner dialogues bring negative results and positive inner dialogues bring positive results.
In a study done at the department of psychology, Dr HSG University, Madhya Pradesh, results show correlation between positive self-talk and empathy . The greatest benefit of empathy comes not just from understanding the other person’s feelings, but also from the benefits it brings to you.
Be open to perspectives : Being able to see the other’s point of view doesn’t mean you agree with the other person. It simply implies that you acknowledge that they have their own perspective and their truth, which is just as true as yours.
In the book on The Art of Empathy , Karla McLaren explains that perspective taking is like cognitive empathy, which is the capacity to understand the emotion of the other without currently sharing it. Developing multiple perspectives fosters mutual respect and success in relationships.
Distinguish recognition from judgement : We recognise something when we become aware of it. We judge when we form an opinion on it. Whereas recognition is neutral, being judgemental renders an opinion regarding the relative value or merit of what is recognised. When you empathise, you tend to receive a bunch of other’s opinions and emotions.
The skill lies in limiting this to recognition. Judgements are manifestations of polarised thinking, which we become vested in. It is essential to note that we are limited in our understanding of the other’s life and their own experience. Empathy is our ability to differentiate this recognition from our self-made judgement.
In summary, though developing empathy appears to be a soft skill, it is a hard business skill that’s absolutely critical, which separates a leader of the future from the rest.
(The writer is a Principal Consultant with Centre for Behavioral Excellence – Talent Transformation, Wipro Limited. The views expressed in this article are that of the author and his employer does not subscribe to the substance or veracity of the views.)